Diana Banana Pancakes

September 29, 2005

MAJOR REALITY CHECK! (rant)

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 2:01 am

I am officially at a critical point where I have to say, THIS is my priority, or this…and put it in order and CONCENTRATE ON THAT. Too much lately I’ve not buckled down and done what I needed to do, I’ve slacked off, I’ve allowed myself to be distracted, I’ve let the wrong things be the focus…and now I have to straighten up.

Lots of personal things going on with me, and seems that when I’m PMSing, I seem to see things a little clearer, lol…or not, depends on how you look at it, but I tend to be more emotional and make my decisions straight forward than when I’m not PMSing.

My absolute biggest issue that I need to put my focus on: financial situation is extremely poor, to put it nicely, my job situation is just as poor, my life is a hectic, stressful situation. Of course, probably doesn’t help that I get no financial help at all from my ex for his son, but I also have not actively pursued it. I am stubborn and full of pride that makes me not ask for help when I’ve needed it, some of you know that yourselves, know how I am about that. Now its time to buckle down or lose what little I have in my life…I can’t let that happen, not to me, not to IAN.

I’ve let my discipline down. I think working at home has allowed me to become lazy when it comes to work, I always figure “I can make up for it tonight or on the weekend” and then the cycle begins…and I’ve done it for the last time, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!

So as of today, I have to sit down and figure out where my weak points are, and this is what I’ve come up with in really badgering myself, and talking to some people:

I allow myself to get too distracted during my work hours by these things: Messenger, e-mails, blogging, 2peas, scribbles, yahoo groups, myspace, phone calls, morning visits…you get the picture. These all occur during my work hours, which if you all remember correctly, I work from home…NOT TO MENTION people knocking on the door, my 4-year-old son who up until the last 2+ weeks has been with me all day every day, daily household chores I start doing and for some reason can’t stop and hence I lose working time…I’ve allowed these things to distract me from my work, and that has to stop.

Also, yes, I’ve been burned out, my bills are terrible, and instead of buckling down and working harder to fix it, I’ve slowly allowed my distractions to take my mind off my work, and then my lack of work means smaller paycheck, and smaller paycheck means more stress from bills…and so the cycle goes on. This stops here.

So, here is what I need to do, and somehow I have to come up with a schedule of sorts. Time management has become an unnecessary thing in my life in the past few years…why? Because being a work at home mom to a child, I’ve had the luxury of yes having a set hourly schedule, but also being able to “make up” work during the evenings if I need to or the weekends, and household chores just kinda got thrown in there, and then my son had no activities so he had no real schedule either. We had a basic schedule, he wakes up, we make and eat breakfast together. He played during the day while I worked, he came in quite often and I stopped working to talk and play with hm a little constantly through the day, I take an afternoon break and get him a drink or snack, I go online and mess around, which usually lasted longer than the 15 minutes I’m supposed to be allowed. I take a lunch break and he and I would make lunch together and eat together, or I’d go online again if he was busy with something else, sometimes do some chores or whatever here and there…to distract me from the stress of other things…again, bad habit I’ve developed.

So, these are the things I need to get done in the next week:

1. Work my ASS OFF.
2. Clean the house.
3. Work on a schedule, something realistic that I can stick to, AND JUST STICK TO THE DAMN THING.
4. Figure out why I’m doing what I’m doing and what I need to do to resolve it.

These are my goals for this month, lets pray I can figure it out and get it going and get it done.

I need to regroup, refocus, reorganize, PRIORITIZE!! So, I wont be on here as often anymore, which I will miss, but I may have to start using my free time on the computer as my “rewards” for getting stuff done, lol. I need to re-discipline myself, and its going to take time. Wish me luck!!

***ETA*** THIS WAS IN MY HOROSCOPE TODAY, ODD COINCIDENCE:

Stresses between your outer world and your innermost feelings are insurmountable now, but there is a change happening. The Moon is focusing on your role in the community and away from your personal life. Practice being an observer to your own emotions and remember that you don’t necessarily have to do anything about them at all.

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2 Comments »

  1. yep, right there with you! conflict just this week because friends and family do not understand this is still a job! yeah I am at home, but if I am hooked to the machine I can not
    1. talk on the phone for an hour
    2. do the gardening
    3. run errands for you cuz you work outside the home
    4. babysit your kids cuz you are too cheap to pay a sitter
    5. hey, I am trying to make money, but this job does not pay that well and every interruption is COSTING me money! you get paid no matter what, sick or vacation, insurance, etc, I do not get any of that! sure, Iget to make my own hours and I get to work at home, but 99% of you could not motivate yourself to do the job!

    so Diana, I totally understand, since we have the same job! I have made less than $10,000 this year and it is because of outside interruptions, low work flow, and the internet. We could make a pack!

    Comment by Radona — September 29, 2005 @ 5:35 pm | Reply

  2. ((Big Hugs)) girl! I so am hearing you. I need to make some changes here too. Good luck on accomplishing you goals.

    Comment by Donna Walk — September 29, 2005 @ 6:35 pm | Reply


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