Diana Banana Pancakes

October 12, 2005

Darlin…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 11:56 am

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know that I’ve had some issues with country boy (the guy I’m seeing) from the very beginning…but all issues aside, he’s a good guy.

Issues issues issues…I bring them up, and they aren’t things I would consider major in some points, one could be major of the situation was different. That issue is I have feelings for someone else, someone who happens to be taken, and so I know I can’t pursue that, but they are there, and they are deep and I can’t explain it, but I know that even if me and this other someone always stay just friends, I know I need him in my life. He means that much to me. That being said, I also have feelings for country boy, not deep feelings, I’m not in love with him, but I care for him a lot.

He has a lot of the qualities that other person I have feelings for has. Country boy isn’t romantic though, lol. Sometimes I really truly I crave romance. I’ve never had true romance in my life, not openly. I’ve had someone say and do some things lately that is more romantic and sweet and deeply rooted in feelings than anyone else ever, this is the person I have feelings for.

But with Country boy its different, he’s not romantic, but we have fun together, he’s helpful, thoughtful, caring, goes out of his way to help someone. He always puts himself last. With him I feel safe because he’s rooted, grounded…settled. He is something I look at as safe and predictable to a point. He is the complete opposite of my usual type, but with him I think its his kind heart and his rootedness (yes I know, not a word) that makes me attracted to him, he’s safe and I like that feeling of safeness. He will call just to say hi, even if he has no time for a conversation. We laugh a lot when we’re together. He digs Ian and Ian digs him. He’s thoughtful and very hard working, and did I mention he cooks? Hello! Of the 3 times he’s cooked for me and Ian, Ian has eaten everything he makes…Ian doesn’t like 1/2 the stuff I make, lol. My mom always said I need to find me a man who can cook, hahaha….ok, anyway. I really like my country boy, I love to spend time with him, he makes me feel good, he makes me feel relaxed around him, he makes me laugh a lot, sometimes he even makes me feel sexy. He doesn’t care if I have no make up on, if I have stretch marks or my weight, doesn’t care of I’m coughing up a storm, he still wants to snuggle close. He doesn’t care if I have bags under my eyes or my hair is messed up, even doesn’t care if I have stubble on my legs where I hadn’t shaved yet in the morning. He loves to cuddle and so do I, so most of the time we’re together, we’re sitting on the couch cuddling, joking and laughing, but cuddling, always cuddling. Hell, if Ian’s with us, Ian will climb on country boy’s lap and just hang out.

But, country boy is not a romantic that I can tell so far. He’s not much for SAYING sweet words, he’s sweet in other ways by being helpful and thoughful. He’s told me I’m “purdy” a few times, which I always deny because all I see this fat girl, but he tells me this anyway. That’s as far as talking sweet to me he’s ever done.

Until the past few days…
This past weekend, I was sick, still am. He called me this weekend, every day, which I usually don’t hear from him on the weekends because I dont want to interrupt his time with his son…and he told me something sweet that he’s never said before. I was sick and he called to check on me. Then our conversation got quiet, I’m not comfortable with silence, only about 3 people I can handle that with. Country boy isn’t one of those people. I was feeling antsy with the quiet, so asked “Do I need to let you go? I feel like I’m interrupting you, are you busy?” He told me he was busy, “but darlin, I was just missin ya so I wanted to call ya.” That was the first sweet thing this country boy has said to me.

Then, he surprised me last night, heard from him 2 times in less than an hour. He said he was in town the second time after being called into work, but he’s done now and wanted to know if I would mind a visitor, I said of course not. He dropped by with some food, we ate together and then he and I cuddled on the couch while Ian watched power rangers. Then we started of course making fun of the power ranger actors, just the usual stuff we do, cuddle and joke around. Then he suddenly just held me really tight and whispered in my ear “I really enjoy spending time with you, Darlin.” I said “I enjoy spending time with you, too.” and he said “you have no idea how good you make me feel when everything in my life is so busy, you’re my breath of fresh air.” OK, so I was like “awwwwwww”…how sweet was that to hear? so, this country boy has a sweet talking side, also.

Then, this morning he called me at 5:30 this morning, saying he’s in town, lol. He usually stops by around 6:25 a.m. I’m up at 5 a.m. usually to start waking up enough to work (I work at home). I said sure, come over. He came over, and more cuddling and snuggling. He told me another sweet thing today, we were cuddling and as it got time for him to go, we started talking about me not wanting him to go to work, cause I could cuddle all day if he could stay, which neither of us can do that, lol, but he said “A good thing is hard to find, and you’re definitely a good thing, darlin. I really do enjoy time with you. Sorry if I’ve been a hill billy and haven’t told you how I felt before.” Speechless…me? yep.

I feel guilty at times because I talk so much to someone else, and also have feelings for that someone else, but that someone else is taken, so its not like I can do anything about that, that’s not up to me, but that someone else is very special to me. Al knows I talk to him, he knows we talk quite often and every day, but I havent told him about the feelings part because like I said, that someone else is taken, and that someone else and I are also friends, we cant be anything else but great friends right now, and I’m fine with that, even though the feelings are deep, I’m just as happy to have him in my life as friends than nothing at all. I do also have feelings for Al. They aren’t near as strong or as deep, as we’ve not been seeing each other but a few months, but they are there, and I do miss Al when I don’t get to hear from him on the weekends or see him on the weekends. So, I partially feel guilty about the feelings thing, but its not something I can make go away.

Anyway, just had to share the sweet things country boy said to me, which he’s not much for saying things like that, lol. It was nice to hear.

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1 Comment »

  1. Diana!!! How sweet this sounds!! How nice of him to care about you not feeling well….I know we talked about this before..lol…and the lack of butterflies, but Id just be happy that he is sweet…..your not getting married, its not a forever right now, just enjoy being treated nicely, you surely deserve it:)
    Hope youre feeling better chickie!!

    Comment by {c} — October 13, 2005 @ 2:12 am | Reply


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