Diana Banana Pancakes

October 18, 2005

For The Record….

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 11:09 pm

I just wanted to clarify that just because my ex is not a responsible father, does not mean I consider all dads dead-beat-dads! I actually got hate mail in my e-mail about this! Sheesh!

No, I do not consider all divorced fathers who do not have custody of their children, I absolutely do NOT consider them dead beat dads. I never once mentioned that in my blog, I was referring to MY ex, not anyone else’s situations.

As a matter of fact, most of my male friends (yes I have many male friends, more than female friends) are single fathers, some of whom have custody of their children and some who do not, yet are still responsible when it comes to their children, they show up to their sports games, even if its NOT their weekend with their children, they are on time to pick them up and drop them off, they take care of their children.

As a matter of fact, I know a couple of men who do not have custody of their children and are still fighting for custody, but their female ex’s have thrown the term “dead beat dad” around and have caused issues that make them have to fight to get their custodial rights as fathers.

So, to whomever sent me that hate e-mail, I don’t know where you got your information from that I am bashing all single fathers, because I never once mentioned that. If you read carefully in my blog, the guy I’m seeing IS ALSO A SINGLE FATHER WHO DOES NOT HAVE CUSTODY OF HIS CHILD…so please get the facts straight before you try to bash people’s blogs, sheesh.

For everyone else, thank you for your kind comments. Sometimes I feel like giving in to everything my ex says just for my son, but in the end, that will not help my son at all, just help my ex get to do the “fun” stuff with his child, and not the responsible stuff.

I don’t understand how a man who has such great fun with his child on the weekends he DOES take him, how he can’t understand about the more regular, daily things that need to be taken care of. Maybe because when I pack my son’s bag for his dad’s, everything is there, the clothes, the shoes, the medicine if he’s sick, the favorite toy to sleep with…so maybe he takes for granted how much money those clothes cost.

Also, just for the record, I did find out he bought my son a pack of socks because one time I only packed 1 pair of socks. LOL.

I’m not made out of money, and yeah sometimes I hate that I have to buy no-name brands and accept hand-me-downs for my son, but in the end, he doesn’t notice either way right now, and I may be buying no name brands, but at least he has clothes on him, he doesn’t go hungry and he sleeps safely in a warm bed at night.

I also know in the end that too many women abuse their rights as custodial parents and use their children against their ex, which is also so very wrong and the child will be affected by it. Most of my male friends always tell me there are so many organizations out there to help single MOTHERS, but its much harder to find help as a single father, and that they are often accused of “fighting dirty” in order to get custody of their children, which I know these men, and while they might be big strong men, haha, they still have big hearts, and I’ve seen these guys with their kids, I just don’t see why single fathers get a bad rap…wrap…whatever the spelling is…either way, mother or father, being a single parent is hard, and if you are fortunate enough to be a big enough person to get along with your ex like I try my hardest to do, then your child will be better for it.

I come from a divorced family, my father and mother and step-parents all get along, they’ve always worked together to do what’s right for my sister and I. I mean, they weren’t the best of friends, but they always kept the line of communication open. To be honest, as far as children of divorced parents, compared to some of our friends, my sister and I had it easy! How many people can say their mom, step-dad, dad and step-mom ALL went to Knott’s Berry Farm…TOGETHER…and hung out together, not going their separate ways but actually HUNG OUT together? My step-mom went to Hawaii this past summer to get her dad and bring him back for my half-sister’s graduation, my mom lives in Hawaii…while my step-mom was in Hawaii, she CALLED MY MOM and they had lunch. Not becahse they had to, but because they keep the communication lines open. That is the role model I use as a single parent. For the most part, I get along with my ex…until he gets to the “poor me” as far as money wise taking care of his son, then I get so irate thinking what is going through your head? Its not about YOU, its about IAN. But, I know my ex, and figure at the end of the night, I’m not the one sleeping with him anymore, so any of the more petty stuff, I ignore, and when I do that, we get along fine, which is what I want for my son, to see that people CAN get along even if they are divorced.

So, to the man who bashed me with hate mail, I say this…I grew up in a divorced home, I do not hate men, I’ve dated single fathers some who do and some who do not have custody of their children, and my own father was one of those men who did not have custody of us kids. My father AND my step-father walked me down the aisle when I got married, I have no issues about single fathers…only the single PARENTS, either single fathers or single mothers, who do not take responsibility for their kids, those are the parents I have issues with, and the ones who use their kids as weapons against each other, THOSE are the ones I have issues with. So, before you send any more hate mail to people, READ THE WHOLE STORY, get your story straight.

Again, thanks to everyone who read my blog which was basically venting, and at the end of the day, my son smiles, hugs and kisses me goodnight, and I tell him I love him every night, and he’s a happy and healthy kid…what more can a parent ask for? Thanks…y’all. (yep, its official, I’ve been either in West Virginia too long, or dating country boy too long, haha).

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4 Comments »

  1. Diana…dont let the email get you down…..we all understood EXACTLY what you meant…heck, for all you know it was his Dad….
    You have a mind…..”Inside Dianas Mind” actually, and you feel free to use it girl!!! 🙂

    Comment by {c} — October 19, 2005 @ 12:25 am | Reply

  2. “buy no-name brands and accept hand-me-downs for my son”…you’re doing the best you can to provide and that’s what’s important, mama.

    Comment by Mama Duck — October 19, 2005 @ 2:31 am | Reply

  3. What’s wrong with y’all? 🙂

    I admire you for raising your son the way that it seems you are, and you know that I’ve got your back on the crappy ex thing – people should also keep in mind that there are such things as “dead beat moms”… even dead beats who actually GET and KEEP custody of kids they can’t care for.

    More power to you – and your little booger is going to be all the better for it in the long run. It’s rare, these days, that kids get to grow up with such a loving mother.

    Oh yeah – and I’ve got a TON of hand-me-downs if you’re interested! 🙂 Heh heh…

    Comment by Melissa — October 19, 2005 @ 4:11 am | Reply

  4. Thanks ladies…I know it wan’t his dad, his dad is not a member of the 21st century, he doesn’t even own a computer. I had one for our whole time we dated and were married and he never once logged on or even wanted to learn.

    I agree with you, Melissa, there are dead beat moms and even dead beats who get custody of their kids. My male friends, 2 have custody of their kids and their ex’s are dead beat moms, and two of the other male friends, and the guy I’m seeing, my country boy, all their ex’s have custody and use their kids as a means of leverage against their ex’s which doesn’t make any sense. My country boy has been fighting his ex on things for 5 years regarding their son, and she just uses their son as leverage. If she gets mad at my country boy, he doesn’t get to see his son, no warning, she just doesn’t show up at the drop off place, and he has not spent a Christmas with his son since his ex moved out because she keeps his son from him, just because it will hurt him. I just don’t get people like that, its the kids who will suffer.

    Comment by Diana — October 20, 2005 @ 1:32 am | Reply


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