Diana Banana Pancakes

November 2, 2005

He’s home…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 12:06 pm

My baby is back where he belongs.

When he saw us pull up, I got out of my dad’s van and he yelled “MOMMYYYYYY!” So, I know my baby missed me. He smelled of cigarettes, I hate that. I know plenty of people who smoke and they don’t stink like cigarettes, but my son comes home stinking like cigarettes. Gosh I missed him. He was excited to see his grandparents, too, who both just came back from Hawaii while he was gone. He was so happy. He told us all he missed us, and talked and talked. He was starving, so we got him something to eat. Gosh I missed him. We got home, we sat and I hugged him so much. I went to draw him a bath, and this is what I found. So, he’ll get a bath this morning instead, hehe.

He’s home!

This can’t keep going on, Ian can’t keep missing school, I don’t want him constantly wondering why he isn’t home yet when he knows he’s supposed to be. But, I told ex the last time he did this that if he doesn’t have a ride to bring Ian home, he can’t take him because my car is slowly dying and I can’t afford to drive my only car to pick up my son and I don’t have the money to pay my parents every other weekend to get my son, and besides, by the COURT PAPERS, HE is supposed to be the one picking up and dropping off. He chose not to show up to court, and he didn’t even submit his ow parenting plan and didn’t contest anything, so I feel he has no right to bitch about that now. If he does, take me to court. So, I told him this last weekend, no ride home, no Ian, and he TOLD me he had a ride, which now I know he didn’t. So, how can I do this next time? I obviously can’t just go by his word because obviously that didn’t work last time. I also told him last time to have it already arranged with the ride BEFORE he comes to get Ian, not waiting till last minute like he did the last 2 weekends before that, or he’s not getting Ian. He told me he had it all arranged. So, what can I do now that I know he will lie to my face about it?

Well, I talked to Country Boy this morning, talking about what the heck am I going to do. Country Boy said I COULD possibly tell him something like “when you come get your son, leave $15 (with the price of gas, that’s how much it takes to go to his town and back to get my son in my car), if you can bring him back, you get your $15 back when you get him. If you can’t get him, that $15 goes into my gas tank so I can go pick up Ian. If you don’t bring any money and can’t give absolute proof that you have a ride to bring Ian back, you’re not taking him.” I wonder if I can legally do that or if he can use that against me? Its not like he’s paying child support, so I’m not sure how badly he CAN use that against me, but still. I don’t want things to become ugly, but if things like this keep up, what other options do I have? Any suggestions? I think that’s pretty reasonable to ask of him, but of course he won’t see it that way. I mean, if he can find a way to come get his son, he does get his $15 back. But, he bitches and moans about he doesn’t have money, so he’d definitely bitch and moan about that. Hell, if he paid his child support, I’d help him out by at least meeting him 1/2 way or all the way under certain circumstances (holidays for instance), but he doesn’t even pay that child support, that miniscule amount of child support that compared to everyone I know who pays child support, its a small amount that he has to pay. In West Virginia they have a math formula they use to determine child support. Country Boy has to pay $800 a month…for one child…because of the money he makes. Ex has to pay LESS THAT 1/4 what Country Boy has to pay, but he bitches and moans like I’m going for the jugular. Hell, from what Country Boy says, I’m very nice and very lenient about things with my ex.

So, that’s one way I could try, the $15, but not sure I could legally do that, so I’ll have to see. Any suggestions?

Either way, for now, I’m just glad Ian is home and I don’t have to worry about this for 2 weeks (well 1-1/2 weeks now). I missed my baby. He sang Happy Birthday to me in person last night. My heart melted.



  1. Does the divorce papers say anything about child support?

    Comment by Mike — November 2, 2005 @ 8:40 pm | Reply

  2. Yes, the papers state the child support, it states how much he is supposed to pay, the date the back child support payments are to start from (Dec. 2003) and the papers even state that it is “suggested” that I go through the Child Support Enforcement Beureau (sp?) here in West Virginia for collection of the child support, but of course my ex has an under-the-table paying job…convenient, huh?

    Comment by Diana — November 2, 2005 @ 9:01 pm | Reply

  3. No offense, but I hate deadbeat Dads….lowest scum on earth. I pay out the wazoo for my 2 but I’ll work my ass off in order to do it. Tell him, no parental visits if you can’t get him back on time, if he can’t…you’ll charge him with kidnapping, seriously. Do a little threatening, see how that works.

    Comment by Mike — November 3, 2005 @ 7:07 pm | Reply

  4. I hate dead beat parents, too. Unfortunately, its guys like MY EX who feed the stereotype and there are many many men who DO what they should for their kids, but they are treated by some as if they dont because of people like my ex. My current man, Country Boy, also has to pay out the okole for his child support, but he does it for his son, he works as much as he needs to to make sure his son is taken care of. My Country Boy has actually brought up what you said about if my son isn’t back on time, to threaten him. Unfortunately, as much as I bitch, I’m not good at confrontation to my ex’s face..mainly because he makes a point of arguing in front of my son, never on the phone or in private, he will make sure my son is around because he knows I dont want to argue in front of my son. If we’re on the phone, he hangs up. I may threaten that if he does that again I will have to go that route…and see if that does anything, but if it comes down to it I wonder if I’d really do that? Maybe if country boy was there to help back me up, lol. I just wish it wouldn’t have to get dirty like that, ya know? But, oh well, I will try a little threatening and hope he doesn’t call my bluff, although if he does, I may not end up bluffing, cause I’m tired of this crap.

    Comment by Diana — November 4, 2005 @ 12:21 am | Reply

  5. Awww..he looks so adorable sleeping!! Hang in there lady, IT WILL work out:)

    Comment by {c} — November 4, 2005 @ 12:52 am | Reply

  6. I know what you’re saying Diana…but being civil to some folks just never pans out. Civility isn’t in their vocabulary. Write a note…hand it to him next time he comes to pick him up? But then again, what do I know 🙂

    Comment by Mike — November 4, 2005 @ 12:28 pm | Reply

  7. Hi–I’m really enjoying your blog. 🙂

    Now, time for some unsolicited advice!

    If he is not paying his child support, he forfeits his rights. End of discussion. Of course, the law could be dicey in WV, but it could be easily checked out. If he is not paying his child support, he cannot bitch about you not letting him see him. Because if he tries to take you to court for that, you can tell him you’ll take him to court for the back child support he owes (and frankly, I don’t think he’d pursue it that far, because he’d have to know that anyway).

    I don’t understand people who won’t take care of their kids. Especially ones who make money on under-the-table jobs and refuse to pay for their own children with some of that money.

    And that whole cigarette thing–ick! Doesn’t he know second-hand smoke is bad for kids?? Blech. Tell him to smoke outside!

    The $15 thing is not at all unreasonable; it’s actually a bit too nice, since it’s still taking your time and wear and tear on your car. He is violating the terms of the divorce by not following the specifics on the visitation (and on the child support, of course). He’s got no leg to stand on; you’re basically in control.

    I understand about the confrontation thing, though. I would have someone with you to back you up, and see if you can figure out a way to keep Ian out of earshot. Because it really needs to be done. Besides the fact that he’s taking advantage of you, he’s also setting a stelar example for his kid.

    *end unsolicited advice*

    Your Ian sure is a cutie.

    Comment by butterstar — November 4, 2005 @ 10:01 pm | Reply

  8. I know, I have to “be tougher” because as my country boy says…”he knows you’re gonna give in and he likes that cause he can get you to do what he wants.” lol. Country boy has been a good help, though. He is going through a huge custody battle with his ex, so he helps me as far as giving me a back bone when it comes to what I need to do for my child (like be firmer as far as collecting child support for my son). I used to think at least 75% of the people who DO collect child support were like that song “Gold Digger”, haha, just spending the money on themselves, so I figured “I don’t need your money” type of attitude, but the state of WV has a formula they go by to calculate, which my ex only has to pay around $150 a month for his one child, but he plays dirty, as Country Boy pointed out, by trying to make me pay for transportation even though divorce papers state he picks up and drops off at my residence, and he also plays dirty, according to Country Boy, by dropping his regular “paycheck” job and getting the under the table job.

    I know, you’re right…damn it. I hate when men are right…jk.

    Thanks, Mike. I do truly appreciate your input on this. All my male friends who are single dads all tell me I let him get away with this so often that he’s going to continue to do this stuff until I stand up to him.

    Comment by Diana — November 5, 2005 @ 3:08 pm | Reply

  9. butterstar – thanks for your input.

    First of all, your advice isn’t unsolicited, hehe. I did ask in a previous blog if anyone had any suggestions, I welcome suggestions and opinions from different people, it helps me see things from all angles, and that’s what I try to do, so please no apologies. 🙂

    ok, this I learned through my Country Boy (the guy I’m dating) who is in a 5 year long custody battle for his son. The law in WV does not allow me to make the decision to withhold my son seeing his father solely on the fact that he has not paid child support, UNLESS I file a petition. However, I first have to go through all the channels of trying to collect child support before filing that kind of petition. So, I have gone to our state’s Child Support Enforcement Beareau (I can’t spell that word to save my friggin life) and gotten the application packed to get that ball rolling, though they said there is probably not much they can do since he is working an under the table job, UNLESS he made enough money at his last PAYCHECK job to have to file taxes and if he gets a tax refund, THEN they can withhold his tax refund for whatever the BACK CHILD SUPPORT amount is, which around $150 x 24 months….so if he makes enough to claim taxes and get a refund, I would get that, minus the child support enforcement beareau fee, which is only a very small amount. So, I’m going to call to make an appointment on Monday and get that ball rolling. I am going to go to him personally and tell him about if he doesn’t do his part of the visitation agreement, then I will file papers on him, but I have a feeling he’ll be able to get away with it given that he totalled one car and the other car isn’t running now. He kills cars like crazy! In the 10 years I’ve known him, he’s gotten into 5 car accidents, about 15 speeding tickets, 2 DUIs, and between trying to fix vehicles himself, (my step-mom calls him a “brokanic” instead of a “mechanic”) he has ruined 3 trucks and 2 cars…in 10 years! So, he might use that defense, even though he has 4 brothers/sisters in that area and his own father who all said they would help him out, but after nearly 3 years of them helping without ever paying gas, now they say if he pays for gas they are more than willing to drive him over here…but he never pays their gas, so they all gave up trying to help him. bleh. Anyway, thanks for your input. 🙂

    The wierdest thing to ME about it all, is he has a great time with Ian when Ian is there…my Country Boy said he just wants the fun of playing, but not the responsibility of fatherhood. Seems about right I suppose.

    Comment by Diana — November 5, 2005 @ 3:17 pm | Reply

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