Diana Banana Pancakes

November 11, 2005

my mind is jumping

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 6:35 pm

ok, so I dont technically know how fast, but bite me, ok…right…HERE….


very very very random thoughts going through my head on my lunch break today…

This weekend is the ex’s weekend with Ian…he called last night and didn’t leave a message other than to say call him back, but we didn’t get back till almost 11 p.m….how much do you wanna bet he’s gonna tell me he doesn’t have a ride and I need to bring Ian to him? Any wagers? wait, I’m ghetto poor, so, I’ll bet…shit, I have nothing, haha. But, that’s the feeling I’m getting since he didn’t call all week. The weeks he plans to get Ian for sure, he tends to call more often, the weeks he cancels or has some excuse, he tends to wait till the day before to call. So, we’ll see, I’ll keep you posted.

I love this song called “Cry Baby Cry”, wish I knew where to buy it or whatever, I heard it online one day, it has Sean Paul, Joss Stone and Carlos Santana…a very wierd mix of people to collaborate on a song, but it makes for a nice song, at least I like.

Remember I keep saying I have feelings for someone I can’t have? ugh…I need to figure out how to get over these feelings.

So, have you ever gotten a new razor, and never realized HOW bad your last one was, or how much you needed a new one until you shave with the new one and were like “wow…soooooft, smoooooooth”, yeah that was me last night…feeling up my ARM PITS! ewwww! lol. The legs were a given. Country Boy got a good smooth leg to rub on this morning, lol. You know a guy likes you when he doesn’t care that you have stubbly legs and still wants to rub on them, haha. Must be a country boy thing, haha, jk.

Speaking of “country”…I saw a woman in a store yesterday…with snuff…ewww! I think she had most of her teeth…most of the top row anyway.

My Country Boy informed me that he got me a birthday card for my birthday, how sweet. He was laughing at himself because, yet again, he forgot it. What reminded him about it? My small grouping of birthday cards on my book shelf in my living room. He saw them and said “damn, darlin, you need to quit hanging out with this old, forgetful boy, I forgot your birthday card again, its been almost 2 weeks.” Well, he gets an A for effort, because I didn’t even know until today that he got a card for me. I didn’t get one for him on his birthday, haha. But, then again, we had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks at that point.

So I had a very very emotional dream the other day, the kind that you wake up feeling exactly how you felt in your dream…and it takes over, that feeling. It compelled me to write a heart-to-heart type letter to who I had the dream about…well an e-mail, not a letter. I never sent it. I’ll probably delete it today or tomorrow…probably.

Christmas, this morning Ian had no school, and he was watching the Wiggles (who still freak me out, something about those graying men dancing around like that is kinda disturbing, but Ian seems to like them from time to time), and they were singing Christmas songs this morning, bleh. Now, while I start thinking about Christmas as far as budget and gifts and what I’m going to make for gifts, what I’m going to do for my cards that I make…aside from THAT, I’m not in the Christmas mood till after Thanksgiving. But, this year, I’m all excited, which is odd considering I’ll be lucky if I can do much at all for Christmas as far as a budget, I’m still ghetto poor, but I’m actually looking forward to Christmas. Maybe its because this year I have my son for the family Christmas Eve party. My dad’s side of the family has a big get-together, some of the family from out of state come in, “Santa” (via my cousin Joey) comes to visit, lots of loud ass fat people eating and gift giving and laughing and watching the kids with Santa…its so much fun, one of my favorite family times, and this year I have Ian. Last year, ex had Ian, and I got the 20 questions, “where’s Ian?” “Why isn’t Ian here?” “Will you have him next year?” “Why do you let him have Ian if he doesn’t pay child support?” blah blah blah. I didn’t want to go. I was going to be holed up in my apartment, antisocial to the core, but my parents bugged the shit out of me to go, so I went, and while I put on a smile, I was missing Ian so much then. I know you other single parents know what I’m talking about. But, this year, no questions because Ian will be there, he’ll get to see Santa and have fun with his cousins and second cousins, and we’ll all have a good time.

Ian made me a “rose” out of pipe cleaners, haha. He was at home, playing around and handed me this “thing” and said “here mommy, its a rose, put it in your vase.” So, I did, its sitting on my scrapbooking desk. I have to get a picture of it, haha. How sweet is that? So, being the “play along” mom that I am, I pretended to smell it, and then Ian said “ummm, did you know that’s not a real flower?” hahaha…so much for playing along. So, I said “I know, I was just pretending” and he said “Oh, well give it back to me, let’s start over.”

AND last thing, this morning Country Boy came to see me on his way to work. The thing he said that made me happy: “I sure do miss ya when I don’t get to cuddle on ya, darlin.” We’re hoping Ian’s dad gets him and that his son will want to spend some time with Country Boy’s mom so that he and I can steal a couple of hours to spend together. Its been about 2 weeks since we were last able to do that, the night before my birthday as a matter of fact, lol. He said if we can’t do that this weekend, he’ll have to steal Ian and myself to have dinner and spend some time together.

Country Boy said he should be having some more time now that the frosts are hitting finally and his major farm work for the winter is behind him, just the daily feeding of the mammals and occasionally fix things here and there. Until after opening day of rifle deer hunting. Right after opening day it will calm down a lot he said. You know you live in BFE when most of the town practically shuts down on opening day of hunting season! Either way, I hope he will have some more time, I really do enjoy spending time with him.

Is it possible to have feelings for one person you cant have and yet still also want to be with someone else you have been dating only a few months? That’s where I am now, so it must be possible.

ok, going back to work…again.


1 Comment »

  1. My lord, your thoughts are like fleas on a dog. Jumping here and there…I’m tired from trying to keep up!

    Comment by Mama Duck — November 11, 2005 @ 7:35 pm | Reply

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