Diana Banana Pancakes

January 9, 2006

Updating yet again…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 6:35 pm

OK, first off…
I think Country Boy and I have broken up…. Our last conversation got cut off, but here’s what happened. Remember me bitching and moaning about his job sending him to Ohio quite often lately and how he and I haven’t even been able to talk for more than 20 minutes in the last 3 weeks or see each other? Well, it turns out there is a reason. He found out Saturday that his company is merging with the plant in Ohio, and so they’ve been sending him out there to get things ready for the merger. Apparently they are going to send him there for 18 months…minimum. He called me around midnight Saturday night/Sunday morning with a lot of stress in his voice, I could tell something was wrong. He said he hasn’t even been able to spend more than 8 hours with his son per weekend for the last month because they’ve been sending him out to Ohio so much, he told me about the merger, and about the 18 months. I repeated…”18 months?” and he said “that’s what they’re telling me now, I’m not sure if it starts as of this past month, or if they have an official start date of when that 18 months starts.” I asked what he’s going to do, he said “well, if they force me to do it, since its still not too far away from my son, I’ll have to take it, no one else is hiring in this area for what I do, but that means I will have to relocate, with gas prices I can’t afford to drive home every other day, and I can’t afford to rent a hotel room for that long either.” I asked him what he’s gonna do about his house, and he isn’t sure. He said “I’m so fucking pissed because instead of letting me know, they have been putting me into this, so now I’ve been committed to it by them. My mom is getting along and I’m the only family there to take care of her, my sister is hardly around and isn’t responsible enough to help with her, not for that long. I have to get a place there or Raymond (his son) might tell his momma that we’ve been hanging out in hotel rooms, and his momma will use that against me in custody battles, and we just got that shit settled.” then I wasn’t sure if he was breathing heavy from frustration or possibly even crying from the frustration, but he said “these shithead managers don’t care if you have other life responsibilities, my mom has been upset because she can’t get hold of me out here in bumfuck booneyland, Jess can’t get hold of me, I haven’t been bale to spend decent time with my kid, this is fucking up my life, its gonna fuck up my custody battle, fuck up my farm, fuck up things with you, but until the next contract comes out, I can’t do anything about it.” So, of course, the part I hear is “fuck up things with you…” and I said “so, what are you saying, that you won’t be seeing me anymore?” and he said “darlin, I’ve thought about ways to make it work, but I don’t know how that would be possible…they plan to work me 6 days a week, the 7th day would be Sunday, which means traveling 2-1/2 hours to drop Raymond off at his momma’s house, so that’s 6 hours out of my day there on my day off, I may be able to take Raymond to my mom’s for visits, but not every weekend because of gas prices, Jess will want to come stay some weekends with me, and I just don’t know how I could fit you in without you feeling neglected.” So, by this point of course I’m upset, yet I completely understand. Just for clarification, Jess is a girl that he has legal guardianship over, he almost married Jess’s mom about 5 years ago, but they ended things but Jess had a hard time dealing with it, she was 11 years old at the time and after Jess and her mom were living with Country Boy for almost 3 years, Jess had a hard time with their break-up, and so him and his ex-GF worked it out to where Jess would be in his life since her own father wasn’t, then Jess’ mom had some mental problems and was admitted to a hospital, and so she asked Country Boy to have legal guardianship over Jess so if something like that happened again, she knew Jess would be taken care of. Anyway, so that is why its very important to him that Jess is around.

So, I’m upset at the news, then the damn cell phone of his starts crackling, he was driving in Ohio, he was only able to spend 3 hours with his son this past weekend. He said “I’m sorry Darlin, I don’t know what else to do, I didn’t expect things to get like this, do you hate me?” I told him of course not, but that we need to talk more and see if maybe we can figure something out…but before the sentence was finished, the phone got cut off. I haven’t heard from him since, so I assume we aren’t seeing each other as of now…I wasn’t sure if it was as of now or as of when they start his 18 months in Ohio, but he’s still IN Ohio as far as I know….so who knows. Bleh. I’m sad. I’ll miss Country Boy, he’s been such a sweetheart to myself and so great with Ian. I know we’ll stay friends (yet another one chalked up on the friends side, lol)…but I will miss him. He’s a rare breed that Country Boy, he’s the only person who has fit all my criteria, has the same values and work ethic as I do, is very family oriented, none of the bad habits I don’t like in a man….but most of all, he liked me for me, fat girl and everything. He saw me at my absolute worst, sick, face breaking out, cold sore on my lip, hair nappy because I just got out of bed from being sick, very raspy hoarse voice from being sick…and he still told me I was pretty, lol. He’s never seen me at my best, lol, just a picture. I’m really gonna miss him, damn it. Yeah, I admit it, I cried over it. But, what can you do, you either get depressed and shut yourself out, or ya pick back up and move forward. I’m choosing moving forward.

Secondly…JOB HUNTING SUCKS ASS when you’re a single parent! So much harder to do than when I was single and without a kid! Right now I have a job that allows me to work from home, but it is very unsteady and so sometimes I’m barely scraping by, and others I’m OK, but the past year its been more scraping by and its been hell on my stress level.

I’ve been looking for a good job with better benefits, steady work, better pay. I’ve been at my current job for about 7-1/2 years now, its been bought by two companies, and the pay and work load gets worse and worse…so after being to the point where I’ve been now making minimum wage compared to bringing home $1600 8 years ago before this company got bought out…AFTER taxes. Not a whole lot of money, but for a single girl with no kids, it was great. Point is, the more this company gets bought out, the smaller the pay scale seems to get, and this year yet again they’ve changed things.

So, I’ve applied to more jobs. I got called for 2 medical transcription jobs, one that I applied for months and months ago they are still looking for a full time employee and are finally willing to bring the pay up, IF they work in the office, which means I need to make way more money because of gas (hour drive 1 way) PLUS daycare costs, both of which I’m obviously not having to pay now as I work from home. The other job is also an hour away, they also have no set pay designated, just based upon experience, but they are willing to allow work at home at least part time and in office the other part of the week. I have a test to take for Friday for the one who wants me to work in office. Wish me luck, I need to get out of this hole I’m in and fast.

I am torn on meeting someone new. Country Boy, if we are broken up, would even tell me to go for it, lol, but I don’t know, I was surprised how upset I was about Country Boy telling me he doesn’t see how we can see each other. There is a guy who I’ve been talking to as friends since around the time I met Country Boy. He wanted to meet and possibly date, but I met Country Boy first, and I’m tired of the “dating around” thing, it got too complicated. So, this other guy decided he would still talk to me and we’d get to know each other anyway as friends. He told me he never wanted to meet me because I was seeing someone else and he didn’t want to step on any toes, which is cool of him. Now he wants to meet, lol. I’m not sure what I’ll do there, I think I’ll wait a while. While I think he’s a nice guy and I like him…I really am upset about the whole Country Boy thing. There is nothing I don’t like about Country Boy, except his schedule…and the only thing keeping us apart is his job sending him to Ohio. It sucks. I miss him already after not seeing him for 3 weeks….now not sure if I will or not at all in the next 18 months. *sigh*

Time to go back to see if there is any work to do, ugh, damn unsteady work load.

So, now I will leave you with this…the, ummmm, perfect(?) gift for your woman…if you’re secure with your manhood…hahaha



  1. Aww girlie, I hope things can work out for you and country boy. Long distance relationships are hard but they can work….Danny and I were in one for 2 years. I am here for you if you need to talk, ok? And good luck on your job search too. ((BIG HUGS))

    Comment by Donna Walk — January 9, 2006 @ 8:11 pm | Reply

  2. I hate that for you and CB. You will meet someone great. You will do fine with your interview and test.

    Comment by Greta — January 9, 2006 @ 9:07 pm | Reply

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