Diana Banana Pancakes

May 30, 2006

Catching up yet again.

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 1:29 pm

Today (Tuesday) is going to be a very busy day!

I work both jobs as usual for the weekday, but only a 9 hr day today. I have to leave early, at 4 pm, so that would put me back home about 4:40/4:45….which leaves me enough time to pick up Ian’s papers at home and pick up Ian from daycare to take him to HJK Elementary for his kindergarden screening! I can’t believe he’ll be in kindergarden next year. IMMEDIATELY after that (praying it doesn’t take a whole hour) Ian has a T-ball game at 6 pm and I get the JOY of working the concessions stand! Geez, I HATE doing that crap. I’m SO not a people person, I’m more a one-on-one, lol. But, luckily I only have to do that as long as the game is on. The thing I hate is that my parents will be gone and I’ll have to work, so no one there from the family to watch Ian. But, he has one more game after that, and unless they reschedule, then I shouldn’t have to miss that last game.

I know he’s only in t-ball and 1st full year of soccer, but I vowed I’d be the parent who was very supportive and went to everything. My mom did for me, and I remember lots of my friends whose parents just didn’t care. Here’s hoping i’ll be able to get rid of my part time job soon and just concentrate on the full time.

But, until then, things are going good. Like I said, a great 3 day weekend. Today’s the only busy day this week, the rest of the week is the usual 10 hr work days and drive, and no more soccer practices on thursdays….nothing scheduled till Saturday at 12 pm for his last t-ball game.

My ex-husband called me Friday….said “this is your ex-hubby” what? “hubby” is to me a term of endearment when ya refer to your sweetie, not to an ex who bugs the crap out of you, doesn’t take any responsibility for his kid, isn’t there for his kid and constantly disappoints his own kid….he’s definitely not someone I would call “hubby” even with the “ex” before it. he’s loser ex or the Ex. That’s it. He said “sorry I didn’t call you for a week” ummm, where has he been for the last 4 YEARS??? He’s NEVER CALLED every week, and certainly not to talk to me. Country Boy thinks he’s wishing things turned out different and maybe he’s wanting me back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that was a good one. You couldn’t pay me enough to go through that hell again. Sure, it could’ve been worse, but that was bad enough. Thank goodness I didn’t become a bitter woman and hate men because of that! I’m still a romantic and still hopeful that I’ll have a great guy in my future!

Its been a LONG time since I had a 3 day weekend! A LOOOONG time….add to that lovely bonus….I had the unusual Monday off WITH a holiday pay! Woohoo! I had a relaxing weekend, which is a first for me in a long long time. I was lazy, haha, should’ve gotten a lot done, but damn it, I’m always busy and always on the run constantly going….what the hell is the point of working your ass off if you don’t get to ENJOY your free time and ENJOY what you’re working so hard for in the first place? So, I justified it that way damn it, lol. Besides, I just worked 8 days of 10 hr days in a row….so I was effen tired, and the sun was out…so Ian and I enjoyed some outside time, some he and I time, and I got to be social a bit with a couple of people. Here was our weekend:

Saturday I got a phone call from Country Boy. Actually, he called a lot over the course of the weekend, Friday night, several times Saturday and Sunday. But, Saturday evening he brought his son over and we watched movies, so Ian had a play date that day. I had actually been hoping to hear from someone else to hang out with HIM on Saturday, but he’d been detained by family, hehe, so of course family comes first, completely understandable, but hoped to hear from him during the weekend to hang out. I made a feeble attempt in the beginning of the week to ask this guy out, which he found amusing, but we didn’t go out. Guess that should be a sign. *sigh*. Anyway, so Saturday late afternoon I got a call, and it was Country Boy. He was in town, asked Ian and I might grab a bite to eat with him and his son (who is 9), or maybe rent a movie and watch it. An hour later we met up at the movie store to pick something that everyone could watch, ended up with Dr. Doolittle 3….but heck if I got to really see or hear the thing….the 2 boys were constantly talking and playing, and even though I tried to turn the movie off several times to watch something else, suddenly they wanted to watch it, would watch about 5 minutes then off to playing, haha. Man….they were loud those 2 in my small apartment, yikes! Country Boy and I got to talk and hang out and spend some time together, catch up on things that we really don’t get too much time to talk about during our short phone conversations, and yeah, I missed him, and we, uh, cuddled a tiny bit, which was rare to do that with his son seeing it because we never did before. Ian’s seen us cuddle before, but not his son. So, that was different. But, we are still not seeing each other, lol, figure that one out. I got him to smile a lot and laugh some, so that was good. He’s been under a ton of stress for those who have followed the blog, and you know why, and after 6 months of on-call 24/7, working 60-80 hrs plus trying to still come home when he can to maintain his farm, take care of his mom AND have his son on his regular visitations….he doesn’t sleep well, he said he gets angry and the smallest things and his hair is falling out. He doesn’t seem to correlate all THAT with stress, though. He thinks it may be the chemicals he’s having to work with because he’s also had coughing fits and a lot of breathing problems, enough to where they put him on inhalers at his doctor’s office. It could very well be a combo of everything, but the other symptoms, aside from the coughing, are all signs of a lot of stress. He says he’s not entirely convinced its just stress, but I told him its probably a huge factor because, oh, I don’t know, his whole life hsa been turned upside down! That’s enough to make anyone stressed. I told him he needs to take a personal day or something to recoop, he’s been on this craziness of a schedule for 6 months and its beating him up. He used to be very laid back, he was always busy between the regular 40+ hour work and the farm, but he was still upbeat and laid back, not stressing a whole lot, and I admit I’ve never seen him mad. But, he told me he’s snapped at his son quite a few times and he gets testy with people…and he said he hopes he doesn’t get that way with me. He told me he misses me and would like something more with me, asked if I could be patient and wait a while to see if he can “get a handle on whatever’s wrong with me” and then see from there. While I do miss him, I’ll still be around as his friend, but I think if he’s gonna push me away at the first sign of stress or trouble, what will he do the next time? When more feelings would be involved? If I find someone else who wants to try with me, and he still is in the same spot, I don’t see myself waiting. I mean, if he could say just give me 6 more months and I’ll have this fixed, but he can’t, and not sure I can hold on to someone for another 6 months “just to see”, ya know? I’ll care about him, of course, but emotionally I think that would be hard. I’ve tried moving on and have had interest in someone else, but not sure if he’ll even ever want to go on a single date with me let alone start seeing me, lol. Who knows what will happen months from now. For a while I was constantly saying why wait when you have someone here who wants to be with you and cares about you, why not keep her in your life for the support you need instead of pushing people away when you need someone the most? But, he doesn’t see things that way, he sees it as he is protecting ME from him possibly hurting me by becoming an ass or something with all the stress he’s under. But, he told me then if its easier for him to quit calling me all together, then just let him know, but this is all he could give me for now and if I’m still wanting more when he can get a handle on this, if he can, then we can go from there. I told him fine, I’m backing off, and he said “well, don’t run away completely, I still need your friendship.” I told him I won’t as far as friends, and I haven’t,I’m still his friend. I worry about him. He’s a good guy, and I can see the stress eating away at him as he’s trying to not let it affect others. I hope he doesn’t turn into a bitter old man. His birthday is coming up in about 1-1/2 months, he’ll be 40. He’s too young to become a bitter old man. (but, I’ll still crack the old man jokes from time to time).

Sunday was just a lazy day for ian and I, PJs all day, rented movies, making brunch together, a few phone calls from friends and family….just a nice relaxing day.

Monday we hung out with my new homegirl, we’ll call her C, lol, cause I’m unoriginal today. Her son is on Ian’s T-ball team, and we’ve clicked pretty good, we both are smart asses. She’s only 27, I’m 32, she’s more my sister’s age than mine, and they actually have more in common, but we had fun and the kids had a blast together all day, got to play in her son’s small pool, before that we took the kids to Burger King where there’s an indoor air conditioned play area, so that was nice and relaxing, haha.

I have to get an AC unit for my apartment, its already freaking hot and I haven’t picked one up yet.

Anyway, hope everyone had a great weekend and was safe!

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