Diana Banana Pancakes

June 10, 2006

Bitchin and moanin

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 12:32 pm

Guess since I have a minute I’ll update, too, lol.

Ian has been registered for his kindergarden and they had an orientation type of thing where we visit the school and such, he’s exicted. His T-ball and soccer have both finished, so things are starting to calm a LITTLE bit.

However, I’m still working 2 jobs as the gas prices are crap and now with full time daycare during the summer, its a huge chunk of my cash-flow. I was hoping to get rid of my part time job by now, but looks like I’ll have to keep it. I’m exhausted and I feel like our health and apartment has suffered. I can’t seem to get into a good groove, but now that sports are done (for 1 whole week now), it should be easier to get things into somewhat of a groove so I can better manage my time. We’ve eaten out a lot because I just never seem to have time to cook much, yet still nothing seems to get done. If I wasn’t gone 1/2 my day I could get more done! Between 2 jobs and my drive to/from work, that’s about 12 hrs right there, then add in time getting me and Ian ready, bath/shower, time to do laundry, try to clean up a bit, pack up for the next day, bedtime routines…its seems like Ian and I only have an hour or two together in the evenings, and I just don’t want to spend it in front of the stove when I could be doing things with him. So, hopefully once I can get my apartment completely cleaned and organized (kinda like starting from scratch), then I think it will be easier to maintain and work on a schedule, but when I started things were cluttered already, so it was harder to get things down and manage my time. If anyone has any great tips (besides cooking with Ian, cause the time I do have time to cook, he does help me), then I’d be glad to hear it!

His dad called about a week ago thinking this weekend (10th) was father’s day weekend, and I told him it was the 18th, and he said “well, dad was thinking of going to _____________” (I couldn’t understand him, he mumbles like crazy) ” and if he goes then I want to take Ian there.” He also always invites himself to places without asking the person first. So, he basically only wants Ian if his own dad does something and lets him go. And, of course, he will wait till the absolute last minute to figure it all out, blaming it on “well you know how hard it is to get hold of dad”. Well, that is not a good excuse for me, I gave up putting my plans off for him a long time ago. I told him he needs to let me know by mid week next week, that will give him 1-1/2 weeks from the time we talked, to get hold of his dad and find out plans. I’m also not driving Ian to him. He always wants me to do this. Its too damn expensive with gas and i can’t afford for my car to die (its been making funny noises) because if I can’t get to work, I’m screwed, and I work 40 min. drive from where I live, so if he wants to see his son, he can make his own arrangements. As it stands, he hasnt’ seen his son since end of February, and yes, I brought Ian to HIM, because I was already gonna be in town. before that was a few days after Christmas, he spent 2 hrs with his kid, while the rest of his side of the family where there all day with him….and the time before THAT was Halloween, which he fought me tooth and nail for. So, we’ll see what happens.

Part of me wants him to take Ian for 1 weekend so I can just clean and organize with no disruptions and no 5-year-old bringing his toys out after I just cleaned a room…and so I can sleep in for a change…and that is just selfish….but the other part of me doesn’t want him to take Ian because he said he just moved back to Dunbar and has 2 roommates, guys who I’ve never met, so if I plan to meet them and see where he lives, I’d have to make the drive up there.

Why can’t things be simple, sheesh. I know they could be worse, but damn, I’d like a good break, just one full day of not having to deal with bills or stressful schedule or a 5 year old acting up or the loser-ex or feeling lonely or any of that shit, just 1 full day with no stress, no worries. I mean, most of the time when I stress, no one knows about it because I know its petty and so I keep it to myself. I don’t stress too much anymore, but once in a while, like this past week, it all hits me at once, and then when I need someone to talk to, I can’t talk to them because I can’t reach anyone.

Matter of fact, all my “friends” are like that. I can’t seem to call them because they aren’t around and don’t return my e-mails or IMs or don’t return calls. What happened to politeness? What happened to treating others the way you want to be treated? I’ve called every one of my friends for the past 3 weeks…count them….3 weeks, just needing to talk to someone, to get my mind off things and laugh about whatever….but not one of those people have returned my calls or my e-mails or anything. The only time we really DO talk is when I call THEM and happen to get hold of them. They don’t make the effort to get hold of me. So, why do they call me their friend again? I get the cheesy forwarded e-mails “you’re a true friend” who they also send to about 10 different people on their e-mail list, blah blah blah….but not a REAL e-mail where they took the time to write to ask how I’m doing, how’s my son, how’s the new job going, do ya have any plans for the summer….not a single e-mail or phone call of that type.

Not a pity party here, but I’ve never liked people like that. I’ve always had a handful of TRUE friends, and sure some people I hang out with, but why do I make an effort to keep a friendship going if it isn’t returned? Yet, if I don’t call them for a while its “I haven’t heard from you in a long time, why haven’t you called me?” Last time I checked, it works both ways. I know people have busy lives, like I have, and its not always easy to catch someone online or on the phone…but hello, voicemail, answer machines….E-MAIL….ya know?

I think that time of the month is coming, cause I’m getting irritated, lol. Bite me.

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1 Comment »

  1. Hi. I am a single mom too with a deadbeat dad and I know how you feel… if you wanna chat you can email me… mommy3act@hotmail.com.

    Jen 🙂

    Comment by Jen — June 14, 2006 @ 12:55 am | Reply


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