Diana Banana Pancakes

February 12, 2007

Crap weekend, but still hopeful **UPDATED**

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 11:12 am

This weekend has been one big emotional/stress rollercoaster and I’m so glad its OVER!

I have been known to be glass half full type when it comes to things in my life, this last year, 2006, however is a different story. That year I was more down than usual, and of course since that was the year I blogged the most, it showed. But this weekend, whew….

– grandpa has been in the hospital for a week, on Friday they took him to ICU. He’s doing a bit better, but he’s STILL in ICU as of this morning (Monday), so that is still an emotional situation for me. I didn’t get to go see him this weekend cause I had to work and everyone else that could cover was not around, so I had no choice.

– I also found out on Sunday that my grandma is also in the hospital, same floor, but not in the ICU, so I have BOTH grandparents IN the hospital…..talk about emotional stress….

– Gave my 2 weeks notice on Friday. That in and of itself was stressful.

– Mean lady sent me a nice e-mail saying she hears congrats are in order and that she’s sure I’ll be happier at home, especially on days like this with the weather and driving. So, I thought, ok, not bad, I was expecting the worst from her, it was only 1 day though, I should’ve known better. I found out later this weekend from the radiology transcriptionist upstairs that mean lady went around to all the other transcriptionists asking if they knew about this or not, like this was some back-stabbing plot or something. Gosh, I’m so glad I only have 10 more days to deal with this stupid office drama crap.

– Starting a new job is always frustrating, but on top of that I have to re-arrange my schedule with my part time job and they haven’t got back to me yet about if the time slot I chose is ok, or if I might have to work 1 day on the weekend instead, which I’m hoping I won’t have to do that.

– My car has been having troubles. It won’t start right and I’ve been late to work every day, and this weekend it wouldn’t start at all, so dad loaned me his truck for the weekend. I can’t really afford a new car, or even a new used car at this point, not till summer, you know, when I’m supposed to be able to go to Hawaii….so hoping my car will last at least these 2 weeks. After that it can kick the bucket. Everything I need to go to is in town where I live, grocery store, doctor’s office, video store, parents house….so if I NEED to, I can be hoofing it after that, I just need to get to work these last 2 weeks.

– Sign-ups for T ball were already held and I missed them, and I don’t know why they didn’t put flyers up or call kids who were in it last year/season, but instead they put it in the newspaper, you know the one you have to pay for, the small town newspaper here that I don’t bother to pay for because they also have a free one on the weekends that I do read. Last year it was in the free weekend edition, this year only in the pre-paid one. Heck, soccer has already handed out flyers in the kids school bags for sign ups for spring, so why couldn’t T ball do that? Now I have to pay a LATE REGISTRATION fee for something that I didn’t know was happening that weekend in the first place.

So, needless to say, this weekend especially has been stressful. Things with Boyjam had been good, he was my calm in my storm, my smile. The thing with my grandpa was kind of like the biggest thing that I couldn’t get out of my down mood from. Boyjam heard it in my voice on Saturday on the phone, but by later in that conversation, he had me laughing and smiling again, his enthusiasm and excitement for US and where we’re headed just floods my heart with warmth, and it has made me so happy….and yesterday (Sunday) I just really needed some of that enthusiasm as the stress from the last week just finally started taking its toll on me physically with my heart fluttering….and so I turned to Boyjam for some of his enthusiasm, and somehow I made a mess of things. We need to slow down, but I’m not sure how much slower 2 people can get from 2300+ miles away. Yes, feelings are there, but how do you slow down feelings? I guess he means slowing down from thinking too much about the future, and just concentrate on now. I’m not sure. He asked me to give him some time to think. He’s scared, heck I know I’m scared, but I also know how I feel about him and when we talk and when I was around him in person, and so I am just feeding off that good feeling. So, I’m giving him the time he needs, the patience he needs. I just hope I don’t screw this one up. This one is different. This one has my whole package that Diana has wanted. This one is definitely worth being patient like he asks. I hope in the end he sees that in me. We’re not broken up, but man oh man, have I been down this road before. And, yeah, Valentine’s day is coming up….told you I don’t have good luck on Valentine’s day. Read my blog from last Valentine’s day, lol.

Little things – I have to hold on to the little things and let my positive attitude come from there. Its what I’ve always done, I have a day or two or three of just gloomy attitude, but then I look at the whole picture, and I pick out the little things to hold on to….with my grandpa, the little thing I hold on to is that he’s getting better, he’s still in ICU, but he’s showing signs of improvement. With my grandma, its that she’s not in the ICU with grandpa. With my car, its that I only have to make it through 2 weeks. With my mean lady issue – 2 more weeks then I won’t have to deal with her and her office drama any more. With my new job, there are lots of positive little things there, the main one being spending more time with Ian. With T-ball, haha, good thing I finally know someone, lol, he’s gonna make some calls, and his great-grandson, and Ian, will both be able to on the T-ball, no worries there….and with Boyjam, the little thing there is that he told me repeatedly that this isn’t a break up, that he still feels the same about me, and that he feels there are good things in store for us, but he just has to slow down some, and he left our conversation last night with a kiss to the webcam, like we’ve done before, and that made me smile and feel better, so I’m holding on to that, too.

Anyway, so here’s to hoping that this week goes better, that my grandpa gets better and is able to be out of ICU and go back home, hope grandma Betty gets better and is able to go home, too, hope the rest of my 2 weeks at the hospital go smooth, hope my car doesn’t die till after the 23rd of February, lol, and also hope that Boyjam is still happy with me, can remember that he told me I make him happy, and just go with that. Little things….I hold on to the little good things that make the whole thing look better.

**EDITED TO ADD** We are fine, Boyjam and I are fine. We talked this morning….so glad we can communicate, and we have the patience to do that together. Today is a great day so far….

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1 Comment »

  1. Your week has to go better hon, it can’t get much worse!
    I just lost my grandpa last year (The famous crappy ass year 2006) and we were very close. I hope your grandad and grandma get better everyday.
    I have a parent-teacher today… add to that the school counselor, the district psychologist, and my ex husband… boy is this going to be fun… blah.
    I hate not emailing with your during the day… this sucks.
    BIG HUGS for you, sorry you had a shitty weekend.
    Talk to you soon!
    Bek

    Comment by Bekah — February 12, 2007 @ 6:51 pm | Reply


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