Diana Banana Pancakes

June 8, 2007

**sigh**

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 1:20 pm

Ian’s dad and his preggers girlfriend showed up yesterday in time to watch the whole T-ball game. Ian, I could tell, wasn’t sure how to act. He wasn’t concentrating on the game very much and he acted very shy suddenly. Yesterday morning when he got up, he wanted me to lay down next to him and hug him, and he told me “I’m sorry Im leaving you for 2 weeks” and he started crying. I did my best to tell him that he doesn’t need to be sorry, that mommy will definitely miss him, but that he will have lots of fun at his dad’s house and I will call him every night and he can call me any time during the day that he wants to.

I called him last night and he was outside helping his dad do something, so I asked the girlfriend to have Ian call me when they get back in. He didn’t call, so I assume she forgot. I just hope Ian doesn’t think that I forgot to call him!

So, work has been very slow, there hasn’t even been enough to keep me busy part time, and its all around the board at work, so its pretty ridiculous and well, scary. I need to fix my car or get a new one, both of which aren’t cheap from what they can figure MIGHT be wrong with my car. I also need to save money for Hawaii, and I need to have extra money because this vacation is going to be not a paid vacation. See,when I originally was going on this vacation, I was working at the hospital with paid vacation, but I changed jobs and my paid vacation no longer exists because I haven’t been at this new one long enough….so yikes! With no work coming in, its pretty darn hard to make enough to pay bills AND save for the other stuff I need! Needless to say, I’m stressing. I just need to find me a sugardaddy, lol.

I saw the cute dad at the game yesterday, but my loser ex was there. I was embarrassed by him, he was grossing me out just to look at him. Any time I’m around him with other people there, it makes me feel embarrassed. He was sitting there with his shirt off the whole time, bleh, yelling and cheering for Ian like he’s been there at every game.

So, anyway, today I’m lonely….and I’m sure I’ll feel this way until Ian comes home on the 24th….if loser lasts that long with him. I just want Ian back home safe and sound where I know he’s being fed and is playing safely in the apartment or at my dad’s house, lol.

I told Ian when he gets home he’ll have a clean room….I plan to go through EVERYTHING in the 2 weeks I have, get his room clean and organized and get rid of a lot of stuff that he doesn’t use anymore, go through his clothes from the Fall and see what won’t fit him next year, etc. I hope to do a good cleaning of as much of the apartment as I can, and right now with work so low, I’ve actually gotten a few things done, and it will look clean for a few days before Ian comes home, haha.

So, I had an e-mail conversation with James’ best friend….he said that James’ feelings for me were real, he told me that I was the medicine James needed. Bah. I just hate how it ended, but it ended nonetheless. Its only been a little over a month and I’m just not over it all yet. Ian kept me distracted and now he’s gone. I just hope I don’t go back into my emotional binge eating shit…I’ve done good with losing 5.5 pounds in 2 weeks, which doesn’t sound like much, but when all I changed was I ate a salad at least one meal a day, and walked Ian to/from school…then to me that’s a great weight loss for only those 2 changes. So, hoping I won’t get lonely. Only good thing about Ian being gone is that I can walk late at night when its cooler and get a good walk in, and I’ll be able to clean Ian’s room, those are the only good things about Ian being gone for 2 weeks, otherwise, its not a good thing for this mommy’s heart, lol.

My heart is heavy today, my stress level is high….heyyyyyy I might have a drink tonight since I won’t have to worry about Ian and all. I usually don’t drink when Ian is home…but, then again, I don’t like drinking alone. Bah, who knows.

well, that’s all I’m gonna post, for now…because a report actually came up to be typed, woohoo!!! lol….have a great weekend everyone, have a drink for me if you’re free, or hell, come over and have a drink with me!

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1 Comment »

  1. I forgot that Ian was going to his dad’s yesterday. I’m sorry you are lonely. I wish I was there, we’d hang.
    I had a rough night too, I wish shit would just even out, or something. I am at my wits end and about ready to leave. Anyway, I’ll talk to you about that some other time.
    Get one of his stuffed animals to sleep with, it’ll help.
    Love ya sista!

    Comment by Bekah — June 8, 2007 @ 7:28 pm | Reply


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