Diana Banana Pancakes

June 14, 2007

my life right now…and storms

Filed under: videos — dianabananapancakes @ 12:07 pm

Ok, so, here’s the thing…my life seems to be a big roller coaster here lately. I am fighting to keep some sort of balance and not fall off one side, and keep my sanity and keep from being depressed. Its been a tough fight some days, and will continue to be a tough fight for a while I’m sure. But, I’m hanging in there and trying to concentrate on the little things that matter.

I don’t share ALL that goes on in my head here…I don’t share all my worries, all my stress, or I might just outline, but not go into deep detail of what is truly worrying me. Not here. I have kept a lot of it inside.

Anyway, so the bad things are having to do with things like my grandparents’ health, which I can do nothing about but be there for them and make sure they know I love them, and pray. My finances, which are all but gone thanks to several problems that came up in the last few months. My savings is drained and I’m not even making ends meet. My son being gone, that’s just a matter of me missing him. I’ve never been away from him this long and I forgot what its like to live completely alone. In all honesty, I only lived completely alone for about 6 months before I moved in with my now ex-husband. So, its been a long time since I haven’t had another human being living with me.

Here’s what’s changed:

CAR: My car is finally fixed! 3 weeks and $340 later its fixed. My dad had to help me pay for it, grrr! I also have to renew my insurance because like a dummy I let it go because they were telling me at the shop that what is most likely wrong wasn’t going to be worth the cost of fixing, so I had let my insurance go….so now that they figured out what it is and it didn’t cost half of what they originally thought, now i have to pay the difference to re-start car insurance. I’m pretty upset about it, bad call on my part. My car also needs its inspection sticker, which is why I took it to the shop in the first place because it didn’t pass inspection due to whatever was wrong with it, if it got done two weeks ago, I would’ve been cool, now I’m 2 weeks past inspection sticker time. Yep, procrastination sucks.

JOB: Ok, today work is picking up FINALLY….the last time it picked up was Mondy I think? and then it fizzled back down, but today we started a new account, and so I’m praying there is enough work for me to get back to what I need to pay my bills, and I plan to work EVERY SINGLE DAY until Hawaii so I can TRY to save some money. Dad said I can pay him back for the car after Hawaii because he really wants me to go. He also told me I need a break and a vacation.

FINANCES: As long as this new account holds up and we don’t run out of work, then I’ll have enough to make that up. I also asked for 5 more hours of my other part-time job in the hopes of bringing up my pay scale to get back on my feet. The last 3 months have been hell on my budget thanks to everything going wrong, grrrr. So, pray this new job and 5 more hours added to my part time job will help and I will be back on my feet in no time….please pray!

GRANDPARENTS: My grandma is out of the hospital. Grandpa got out on Friday, but he is back in as of Tuesday….this time with congestive heart failure. I’m so scared. He’s the only biological grandparent I’ve ever known. My dad’s mom died when he was 11. My mom doesn’t know who her dad is, and I had not seen my mom’s mom since I was 18 months old, and she passed away in 1994. I know it happens, cycle of life and all…but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

JAMES: Moving on.

IAN: I miss my baby! he’s been gone a week tonight….and I’ve never been away from him this long. I am going to start working on his room tonight or this weekend to try to get it cleaned, decluttered, get rid of toys he doesn’t play with much anymore, and try to do it all before he comes home. What a nice thing for him to come home to! He told me last night on the phone “I can’t wait till I can come home.” So, I think he’s starting to miss mommy….whew…I was getting worried there 😉

WEIGHT LOSS: Didn’t lose much last week, but I’m glad of what I did lose as it was a stressful/emotional week, and I hung in there! So, still slowly but surely losing weight.

I haven’t really done much since Ian’s been gone, been lazy, been lonely, lol. So, I think starting today I will slowly start to get this apartment into shape, declutter….maybe do a craft…oh yeah, father’s day is coming, I need to make something for my dad…hmmm…..what will I make?…..

It stormed last night…I love thunder and lightning storms (at least if I’m indoors, hehe), I think they are great…where I grew up in California, we didn’t see very many of these AT ALL…so when one comes at night, I usually pull back the curtains, turn off the lights and sit, mesmerized by it all. I decided to video some last night because I was bored, ha. I think storms like this are sexy, good to cuddle with someone hehe…


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