Diana Banana Pancakes

March 20, 2008

Clearing my mind

Filed under: random — dianabananapancakes @ 12:51 am

I’ve just got things on my mind, and feel the need to air things out.

* The puppy is so friggin adorable. His housebreaking is going pretty decently. We got him Sunday night, and today was his first day with NO accidents in the apartment AT ALL. Very proud of the little buggar.

* But, he got into my yarn stash today…grrrr.

* My friend Christine’s baby shower is end of this month and I was supposed to be working on knitting a baby blanket for her baby girl….I started it 4 times, and stopped…oops. I am going to buy something and hope that I can get the blanket done by the time she comes into the world. She was originally told her due date was first week of May, now they say 3 weeks…ha. She said she thought it was sooner than they first said, and turns out she was right.

* My sister is going through drama with her man and even though its none of my business, I am SO FUCKING PISSED at him for what he’s putting her through. She has been through enough in the last 5 years alone, and HE KNOWS ALL OF THIS, and so it makes me even more pissed off because he was her friend to start, and now he is acting like someone she doesn’t even know, and I hurt for her, was in tears for her, and have anger at him for her….I don’t know how she doesn’t keep from rippin the hairs off his damn chin. I pray for her to have the strength to move forward yet again. She is strong in many ways, but she is like me in many ways and has a fragile side, and I know what its like to have to start over, and so does she, and I hope she can get through this one and still keep herself intact. I hope she doesn’t get mad that I put that on here.

* My son is going to his dad’s on Friday to spend the week of Spring Break with him. He was only away from me one other time for more than just a weekend, this past summer for 2 weeks, and at that time it went by SOOOO SLOOOOOW, probably didn’t help that at that time I was also getting over a sadness of an ended relationship…at least right now I’m not in that sort of place, but man I will miss my little man. At least I have the puppy along with my big doggie to keep me company during the day.

* Have you ever liked someone you can’t have? Me too. There’s been only 2 guys I’ve liked since my long-distance relationship ended a year ago. In this year, one guy I liked I got up the nerve and told him, everyone I talked to about how often he talked to thought he was showing signs of interest in me…but it turns out he does not plan to date. He’s going through a drama in his life in the form of a custody battle that has been going on for about 6 years…his son just turned 7. So, he says he is not dating. He says “I know you would treat me right, but its not fair for me to bring you into my life of drama, I couldn’t do that to you and your son” and then the infamous line “some guy will be very lucky to have you”….yeah. tell that to the guys who had me but let me go, although some have come back later to tell me that they miss what we had, or that I’m a good person and they are surprised that I’m not happily married by now blah blah blah….that does me no good when they don’t see it when they are WITH me, lol. I chalk it up to guess it wasn’t meant to be. Well, now there’s another guy I have an interest developing in. Its someone I met about the same time as the first guy I liked, only in very different circumstances that I can’t explain here, lol. I talked to him off and on since I met him 5 months ago, and every time I talk to him and hang out around him I like him more and more…its kinda complicated and basically it boils down to if he were to like me back, it could put a strain on his friendship with the guy who I met him through, again I can’t go into details. But, I can’t help who I like, and this guy I like. He has many qualities I want in someone, and we seem to get along great. I enjoy his company. He makes me feel pretty and interesting. He and I talk and talk about anything and everything, and hell he even eats my cooking, lol. We have some similar interests, to me he’s cute (though apparently guys in that age group don’t care to be considered cute, lol) so let me rephrase, to me he is nice looking. There isn’t anything so far I don’t like about him…except that he’s unobtainable. Sometimes his actions make me feel like he is interested in me as well, and even when I tell my friends what transpired they agree…which would be fantastic…but other times like right now I feel like he is just enjoying the company and conversation of someone new with no intention of more, which is fine as well, except that I like him, lol. He has told me several times he doesn’t believe that no one comes up to me to ask me out and or that no one is interested in dating me, says he wonders why I’m not dating…well, its kinda hard to date when no one is interested in you enough to ask you out. I’ve told him that, plus I’m an overweight girl, and yes I’ve met guys who have actually pointed that out as a negative thing to them…talk about bruising my ego. Also, I’m a single parent, not a lot of guys are looking for that. The last time I saw him it was brought up again that he doesn’t believe that no one asks me out or wants to date me, I told him I can’t believe he doesn’t believe that, and he said he has a hard time believing it, and I asked why…yes, I was totally friggin fishing I won’t lie….and he said that I have a unique look and it stands out, that I’m nice and pretty (yes, a girl remembers those words), and laid back and very friendly…and then I interrupted him with “geez, then why don’t YOU date me?” and I had a nervous laugh afterwards, because I have thought that to myself, its not the first time he’s given me these reasons why someone should want to date me…but HE has never asked to date me…but my nervous laugh was followed by a laugh from him {{sigh}} I should’ve kept my mouth shut. He mumbled something that wasn’t completely clear only a part of it, but I won’t even bring it up because now I think I must’ve misheard him completely. I hate liking someone I can’t have. Its not the first time that’s happened to me, and I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last. But, I hope I haven’t scared him off so as to not be able to spend time with him again. I truly enjoy his company and if all else, at least I hope I can enjoy that for a while longer. I enjoy talking to him and hanging out with him, I feel very comfortable with him and truly can say that I look forward to hearing from him and spending time around him. Unfortunately I haven’t heard from him in a while, lol, but I can’t do anything about that.

* It has rained for 2 days….gah! I’m tired of rain and gray skies and cold wind and brown trees. I’m anxious for spring to show itself for more than just a day.

* My laptop has been in “the shop” 4 weeks this coming Saturday…I took it in on Feb. 23rd, they said 2-3 weeks. All they had to do was replace the hard disk, last time they replaced it, it took them less than 2 weeks and I had to wait a few days before I could get there because that place is 2 hours from where I live. gah, I hope to get my laptop back soon!

* My grandpa’s health has been holding the same as of an e-mail from my cousin a few days back and no news since then, so we’re assuming no news is good news.

* My mom called today and sent Ian an Easter gift, and me some goodies to make SUSHI! I’ve been craving sushi since we got back from Hawaii, sooooo anxious to get the package!

That’s all that is on my brain for now….its now on E haha.



  1. Girlie…. We have emailed about this guy… and what I said I stand by…. If he doesn’t call you it’s HIS LOSS. Realizing that doesn’t make it any easier, this I understand.

    It’s been raining all day here, and it sucks ass. We had decent temps (high 40’s) but with the rain it makes the chill a damp chill and I haven’t been able to warm up all day. I can’t wait for summer! We are going to the lake every damn chance we get, and hiking, and kite flying, and bike riding and soccer….. I’m gonna suck every minute out of this summer!

    Comment by The Middle Child — March 20, 2008 @ 1:46 am | Reply

  2. hey chica not mad, at you anyway,lol. i am mad at the situation but dammit if i dont still love the fucker to pieces which makes this so much harder thani ever imagined or experienced before. I hurt so badly inside i can’t explain. but thank you for being there for me. I love you…

    Comment by the_slayer_girl — March 20, 2008 @ 6:26 am | Reply

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