Diana Banana Pancakes

August 18, 2009

Sometimes I miss blogging…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 7:33 pm

This blog started off over at blogspot. I had it for about 4 years I believe now? It started as a soundboard for me, a place to vent, to relieve stress, to show off my kiddo, to spill my heart out anonymously… It was great when I first moved to this small town and didn’t know anyone, it was a great place to do all those things. Sometimes I miss it. I had an anonymous freedom in blogging. People could see my face and knew my first name, but they didn’t know where I was, I could blog about anything and everything that ever bothered me and I would get feedback. I loved getting feedback. I’ve made a good friend through the blogosphere, too.

Sometimes I miss that outlet, and I think I need to re-discover it again, hopefully gain a few readers who will give me some input or opinions, or share experiences…kinda like a support group of sorts, haha.

So, here I am, I’m 35 now. I’ll be 36 on Halloween…yikes. In this stage in my life, I had hoped to be in a different place, but life does things and I’d like to think everything happens for a reason, or at least there are signs and paths you are pointed towards, and you chose one and see where it leads…something like that.

I’ve reached my goal of paying off my debt! yes! Then I acquired new debt in the form of a new car, which was much needed, so I think it will both provide me with what I need in a car, and help me rebuild my credit. My next big financial goal is to own a home. It doesn’t have to be big or fancy, but it has to be MINE. I want to own a home, a dream I’ve had for years. I would love it to be before Ian is out of school, haha. So, for now rebuilding my credit and going to start saving for a home. Next goal for sure!

As I mentioned before, I met a guy. He is so great. He treats me the way I’ve always wanted to be treated, he gave me that glimpse of the type of man I’ve wanted in my life. Around him, I feel happy, pretty, relaxed, like ME. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I’ve fallen in love with him…hard. It scares me sometimes, but at the same time, it feels so right I can’t help but to just take this path and pray its where I’m supposed to be. If it is, it will work out in the end, if not, I will just enjoy the way this relationship makes me feel. Its all a secret right now, keeping it on the “down low” yo…long story short, in a few weeks we can slowly let the world know…or at least our small town, haha, that we are a couple.

Hard to believe, but there is already someone trying to ruin it, and its not even his ex-wife. Its someone both of us had trusted with confidential info, confided in, shared stress and personal situations with, and this person is turning around and trying to put a wedge between us, and she doesn’t even know that we are an item yet. Why would someone do that to a person, to PEOPLE, who have come to her in trust and confidence about things? She got to me…in my insecurity and my wish to keep this man for as long as he will let me, she got to me. She got in my head and planted a seed of doubt, of worry…mostly worry for my heart. I love this man, and he says he loves me, he shows me he does, but this woman claims he isn’t over his ex-wife. He says he is, and for the most part I feel he is…maybe its because our relationship is still a secret, it makes me feel insecure about it. Im not sure, I just know that I had a bad dream about it even, and woke up feeling sad. I can’t believe I let her get in my head. gah. Damn insecurities!

I told him all about what she said, and he told me she is just jealous and trying to get a wedge in between us, and he said that I love him, and he loves me, and if we just keep communication open and work together, she can’t get to us. It bothers him more than he trusted this person as a friend and that she didn’t value that friendship like he did…in a way I feel bad for having told him everything because I feel like I did to his friendship what she is trying to do to our relationship, put a huge wedge in there. He assures me he is glad I told him because he doesn’t know what she is saying to who, and he said if she is airing any of his dirty laundry to anyone, then with friends like that who needs enemies. I still feel bad to have put a wedge there, because it makes me feel like I did what she is trying to do to me and him, but he says its not the same, that I did the right thing telling him what she said.

I told my mom about him, this man I’m in love with. I didn’t tell her I’m in love with him, she is worried about me as it is since I’m so extremely guarded with my heart that I don’t usually let someone in, so knowing I’ve fallen in love with someone so fast, she might get more scared, haha. I told my sisters about him, but only one sister knows I’m in love with him. I hate that its a secret relationship right now, but I understand the reasons. My step-mom came by my kiddo’s football practice, and my man said he saw her there and wanted to talk to her, but couldn’t because its a secret. He told me he hates having to hide it…someone we both know, a fellow parent whose kid is also on the little kids football team, was trying to figure out who my guy is dating. He said she thinks its me because she looked in my direction or something when she was trying to figure it out…I don’t know if she thinks its me or not, but he said it was felt good to kinda get it out a little. I hope he still feels that way when we don’t have to keep it a secret anymore. I hate hiding things. Of course, where the kids are concerned (he has 2 kids, and they are friends with my kiddo) it will still be more or less a secret still, until we know for sure we are going to be in this together for the long term, which is totally understandable and I agree with.

Football – My kiddo is LOVING football! He has his first real game with scores and stats on Sunday, he’s so excited, even though he knows being new he might not get much play time, he’s excited still. He’s proud to have his jersey and says “I’m officially a footballer” all the time. I love that little kiddo and so happy to see him so excited about football.

Work is going great, and I’m actually gonna get off this blog to go work a little OT. Start that savings up, ya know. ๐Ÿ™‚

July 8, 2009

where did that come from?

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 7:57 pm

I met someone who amazes me, makes me laugh, makes me feel good and pretty and sexy and just brightens my day to talk to him…and I’ve fallen in love with him….scary….but I can’t help how I feel. The way I feel when I’m around him, the way I feel about him…I’ve never felt that with someone, so quickly, so openly, so easily, and it feels so good laying next to him, looking into his eyes, feeling him next to me, his hand on my skin, on the small of my back, him playing with my hair. I didn’t see it coming, didn’t even think it would happen at all…but it did. He’s even more scared than I am. For now, I hope he just enjoys my attention, my affection, whatever I give him I hope he just takes it for what it is and enjoys every bit of it, and just goes with the flow. I dont tell him how I feel often as far as the L word, I show him, and he picks up on it. He told me as much. That is how it should be, someone should know by actions, not just words. I learned from my ex-husband that those 3 words can be said without any action behind it, doesn’t make it real, so I am glad he can tell just by my actions. I hope he enjoys spending time with me as much as I enjoy him. I’ll show him how I feel for as long as he will let me. One day at a time, that’s what he wants, and how it should be. I can’t believe I’ve fallen in love again, after all these years, so easily it scares me. He makes it easy.

May 15, 2009

Catching up…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 7:43 pm

Well well well….here I am, back in the blogging world after an absence. I have to say, I truly lost my blogging mojo and I couldn’t figure out why…then it dawned on me lately as things in my life have changed. I lost it because I had someone I could talk to, several someones I could talk to about things going on in my life, and I didn’t need to vent or put it out here for the blog-world to see, not that many people were even reading my blogs anymore anyway.

So, I thought I’d catch up, and share why I’m back in the blogging world again…

First off, I finally left my job, it was getting TOO bad. They had sold to a company from overseas, and slowly and gradually things got worse and worse to where I was making MINIMUM WAGE, and I can’t support my son and I on minimum wage. I was lucky, my ex-sis-in-law (I’m still close with my ex’s family for the most part) had mentioned that they were hiring at the local hospital where she works at, same position I do. So, I went and called, yes they were hiring, tested, and got the job. I started mid December, and quit my job with the other company that I’d been with for 10 years. It was harder than I thought leaving, probably because I’d been there for so long, and I was “comfortable”, in my little box, my “safe place”, but this new job has been a God send, a blessing in many ways. I’m still doing transcription, I still get to work from home, and now I get health insurance. I work midnights, which I don’t like because this job as it is makes it hard to meet people in a new city when I work from home and don’t do the “bar” thing…but with the personal benefits, I really can’t complain too much, and as many people in this economy have been let go by their jobs, its definitely a blessing to have a good job.

I’ve PAID OFF all my debt! It has been years in the works, and I finally paid off the last of my debt! I’m so proud of myself. Granted, I don’t own a house or anything, but now I can reach that goal soon. First on the agenda is a new car, though. I’ve had the same car for 14 years, its been a good car, lived a good life. It has nearly 200,000 miles on it, and over the past 5 years I’ve had to fix SOMETHING on it to the tune of $400+ a year on it, so now I figure its time to look into getting a new one. I’m excited at the prospect, but I’m also scared.

My son’s father is still a deadbeat. He still doesn’t call his son but on the rare occasion. My son, Ian, turned 8 mid April, and his dad actually remembered to call him. Before April, he hadn’t called his son since JANUARY. Yes, you read that right, January…and he hasn’t called SINCE then either. My son has a 1/2 sister through his dad, who he also hasn’t seen since December 2008 because they are an hour away and have no phone, and every time we are in town, they are no where to be found. Its hard for him, he doesn’t understand and he gets frustrated. His sister will be 2 in July, and I hope he will get to see her for her birthday at the very least.

My son, my world…I love this kid with everything I have in me! He makes me smile, he tests my patience and teaches me about myself constantly. He is doing good in school academically. He is in the 90th percentile in reading and math skills. He has a problem with talking too much in school, and I think a lot of that is because when we’re at home, its just him and I, and we are quiet at home, mellow, so when he gets around his friends, he just can’t keep much to himself. ๐Ÿ™‚ He is in soccer and cub scouts, and next weekend is FOOTBALL sign-ups, which he’s excited for.

My new job…midnights. I hate midnights, haha. Its hard to sleep during the day when there’s sunshine begging me to go out and enjoy it and soak it up…its been tough adjusting.

I still dont’ have many friends in this small town. Working from home and working nights while everyone else is being social, its very hard to meet anyone. I have some guy-friends, but that’s hard, too, because when they have girlfriends they don’t talk much so as not to upset the new girl in their life, and I stay away so as not to step on toes and cause drama…so that kills the friends thing/social life thing very quickly.

I’ve been “dating” a guy for the past year…or so I tell myself. Its very complicated and I won’t go into it here, but he “doesn’t know” what he wants or what he is doing, he has admitted as much to me, but he also in the beginning admitted that the distance is hard for him and an issue with him. We live an hour away, we both work midnights, but I have a kid so that limits my free time going out as I have to obviously be a parent first, and our days off are different. I like him a lot, but he has reservations, and from time to time he becomes antisocial to everyone in his life. He’s in his 40s, has never married and no kids. He is, however, a person who I have been able to find myself talking to about things, everything from my ex to my son to my finances to…well, anything…and he’s always been honest, even when I don’t want to hear it. He has become my person I talk to, which probably isn’t good since I’m not sure where we stand together. I just know I look forward to hearing from him, I enjoy his company and his conversation…so I just try to go with the flow and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, I’m not sure how I’ll try to date again with this shift. When I first met this guy, who we will call Cracker, I worked nights and he worked evenings, and our days off worked out great for each other, but as time went on, shifts changed for both of us, situations changed for me with my son’s father not being much in his life at all, things like that. When those things started changing is when he started changing from “we’re dating” to “I’m not sure what I’m doing.” So, if this doesn’t work, trying to meet someone now with THIS shift, in this small town, who has all the qualities I want…its going to be even harder than it was before when I had weekends free.

My husky, Carlito, is missing. He got loose a month ago today. He’s 13-1/2 years old, and he has arthritis in his hips, so I am more and more worried that he won’t be coming back. I’m sad and miss him…and hate worrying that he is more than likely not coming back. No one has reported seeing him since the day I reported him missing, and there are a lot of woods surrounding this small town, and an interstate….and I just don’t want to think about it beyond that. Its sad and I miss him.

Otherwise, for the most part my life is going great…but here in the last few weeks, I’ve lost a few friends because they now have girlfriends, and the guy I like and in MY head I’ve been dating for the last year, he is in an antisocial mood this week and not talking…but I made a new friend, unfortunately another guy, haha. All of my “guy friends” that I’m talking about, they have kids who are friends of Ian, which is how I met them. This new friend is the same, his son and daughter (twins) are friends of Ian, and after talking here and there and a few visits, we are developing a friendship anyway. He is a really nice guy, and I admit, back when I first saw him over a year ago (our boys are in cub scouts), I thought he was cute, but found out he was married so never took a second glance at him after that. But, we are talking and developing a friendship, so that is nice.

Well, that’s it, I’m caught up. I wish everyone well and maybe I’ll get some readers again… I’ll post pics soon.

September 27, 2008

I love this song

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 2:32 am

It fits where I am in my life in some parts of my life right now….

September 26, 2008

GRRR

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 10:42 am

I just wrote a big long post with pics and catching up, and then the fucker didn’t load, so now I’m frustrated and not going to type right now, ugh!!

August 4, 2008

Slick’s questions…

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 6:41 pm

Ok, I obviously have no idea what to type about so I thought I’d humor slick by answering his ridiculous, er, I mean, awesome questions….

1.) Where are you from?
2.) What did the ocean smell like before women started swimming?
3.) How old is your washer and dryer?
4.) One word onlyโ€ฆ.describe your sex life.

1 – I’m from everywhere HA! I was born in Okinawa, grew up in various states and currently living in BFE, W to the V.

2 – stinky men.

3 – about 10 years old and 9 years old, respectively.

4 – ROCKIN!

You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming….

July 29, 2008

GRIPE ALERT – PART 2 or UPDATE

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 1:44 pm

So, the loser ex FINALLY calls Ian last night. I answer the call and he said “what are you doing?” and I said “working” and he said “oh, when’s a good time to call Ian then” and I said “you can talk to him now” and put Ian on the phone, well they talk and when Ian hands me back the phone after they talk for about 2 minutes, Ian said “dad said we could’ve come to see him at work on saturday” and I got on the phone. Loser ex asks how the birthday party went, the party for HIS DAUGHTER BY ANOTHER WOMAN, and he’s asking me how it went? I said “good I guess” and he said you guess and I said “well, as far as parties go” and then he told me the same thing he told Ian: “you guys could’ve come to my work, that would’ve been nice” and I was SPEECHLESS, I couldn’t even think of what to say! Finally I said “I don’t even know where you work” and he said “same place I’ve worked for over a year now” and I said “like I know where that is, like we’ve ever talked about which place you work at” and he said “well that’s true” DUH!! I said “besides, we haven’t heard anything from you in over a month, how do I know what’s going on with you if you dont call your son.” and he’s all “well nothing’s changed except me and her broke up” and I again was speechless that he thinks nothing has changed and expects me to believe that….

LETS SEE –
*he MAY be the dad to someone else’s kid,though he says he’s not to his now ex-gf.
*he has a new number
*he moved and is living with someone I don’t know and up until last night I didn’t even know what city he was living in.

so, yeah, I think a few things have changed…but the nerve of him to tell IAN we should’ve gone to his work after the b-day party! He doesn’t call his son in over a month and he gets all high and mighty that WE should’ve stopped by? It would’ve “been nice” ???? Well, he should’ve called his son in the last month plus, THAT would’ve been nice…ugh!!

May 25, 2008

catching up….

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 10:23 pm

This was going to be my post on Wednesday April 23rd, but then I got the news that my grandpa passed before I could post. So, now I’m posting, plus adding a few new pics and things….oldest pics are first, newest ones are at the end of the entry…

Woke up one morning to construction workers fixing the roofs….there were a couple of nice lookin guys, hehe, only a couple of eye candy guys….
Photobucket

Ian’s soccer game from 04/19/08, him in action lol, right before he turned 7…
soccer game

Then of course, there’s Sunny, he’s friggin cute and I had to share some pics…oh yeah, and Sunny’s old girlfriend “died”, all her stuffing was out in his cage the next morning, and so he discovered Ian’s cookie monster doll….who is his new freak of the week…..lol.
Ian and Sunny

and my handsome little kiddo, picking me a flower, see, he does it all the time. Gotta love that! well, I do at least.
for mommy

some pics from Ian’s b-day stuff I did – Ian’s b-day cupcakes, lol, I’m an uber-geek. I made 2 kinds of cupcakes, yellow cupcakes and chocolate….the yellow had the green light sabers for the “good guys” and the chocolate cupcakes had the red light sabers for “the dark side” hahaha. Ian didn’t catch it until I pointed it out, and then he said “that’s awesome” lol.
good vs. evil

The other pic is my feable attempt at making a round cake, I’ve always just made them in a square or rectangle pan and not taken it out. Well, when I took the round ones out of the pan, they fell apart as they were not ready to be taken out yet, but I was on a time constraint. I tried to “glue” them back with icing, haha, you can tell where its falling apart, at least it was all towards the back.
yoda

We went to Fusion Japanese Hibachi in Parkersburg for Ian’s birthday, that’s where he wanted to go. I ordered sushi…yum. I also had hibachi food, but sushi, yum! lol. No fish in it though, ha.
Ians b-day dinner 2008

My dad, step-mom, me, Ian, Bobbi and Amanda – together again for my grandpa’s funeral. The last time we were all together, Ian was 5 weeks old….
gill family 4-26-08

these boots, hat, and rifle represent my grandpa who had a purple heart from the war he was in the Army. They played taps and did a military portion of his funeral, it was touching and awesome at the same time. My grandpa would’ve been proud.
4-26-08 at grandpa's funeral

My new fave pic of Sunny, our puppy!
our puppy 5-2008

That’s it for today, I will post more in a day or two, because there are plenty more pics…

May 12, 2008

I obviously don’t watch much TV…..

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 1:30 pm

I know this because this commercial was apparently out at the super bowl, but I don’t watch much TV, and this is obvious because the first time I saw this commercial was last night at my dad and step-mom’s house….FUUUUUNNNNYYYYYYY

April 27, 2008

My grandpa’s obit

Filed under: Uncategorized — dianabananapancakes @ 2:02 am

Cleo ******* ****

Cleo ******* ****, 83, of Beckley, went home to be with the Lord and received his heavenly reward. He served his country proudly and was a good neighbor, a wonderful brother, father, grandfather, stepfather and a loving and devoted husband. He was surrounded by his family at his home when he passed away at 12:04 p.m. Wednesday, April 23, 2008, following a long illness.

Born at Morganette on July 2, 1924, he was the son of the late Oscar P. **** and Ola Jones ****.

Mr. **** was a decorated veteran, having served in the U.S. Army during World War II. He received the Purple Heart and several other service medals.

Mr. **** was a retired coal miner and construction worker, and was a member of the UMWA.

Mr. **** was of the holiness faith and attended the Church of God Family Worship Center.

He was an avid hunter and fisherman, and a lover of the outdoors. He was a member of American Legion Post No. 32.

Mr. **** was preceded in death by his stepmother, Virlie Redden ****; his first wife, Georgia Mae **** ****; two sons, Billy Joe **** and Joseph ****; two brothers, Clinton and Clayton ****, a sister, Mildred **** *****; stepbrothers, Houston ******, Russell ****** and Clayton ******; and a stepsister, Fannie *********.

Survivors include his wife, Betty **** Cadle Flippo ****; two sons, George **** and wife, Sande, of *********** and Ronald L. **** and wife, Denise, of *****; daughters, Diania ***** and husband, Clarence, of *******, Cleo ***** and husband, Mitchell, of *********, Della **** of NY, Rhoda ***** and husband, Johnny, of **** ****, DeeDee ***** and husband, John, of ***** and Katherine **** of ********; stepchildren, Larry ***** and wife, Lynn, of *********** , and Vonda ****** and husband, Mike, of ************; daughter-in-law, Norma **** of ******; a brother, Claude **** and wife, Ester, of ******; stepsisters, ****** of ********** and Litty ****** of ******; 25 grandchildren; 21 great-grandchildren; and caregivers….

Service will be 11 a.m. Saturday at ********* Holiness Church

Military graveside rites will be conducted by the ****** VFW Post 3110 Honor Guard.

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